For a long time, you fought for your relationship because you believed that love would overcome any difficulties. You turned a blind eye to everything that did not suit you. Tried to relax, think about the good, but nothing helped. But the most annoying thing is that attempts to bring a partner to dialogue met with fierce resistance and unwillingness to develop this topic. Every now and then you were given to understand that you’ve thought it all up, screwed yourself up. Well, if joy leaves the relationship – this is a good reason to honestly look at your union. Should I continue the relationship? 5 questions to help solve the dilemma.
1. What emotions do you most often experience with a partner?
We can masterly deceive ourselves, but the heart can not fool. Think about what feelings you overwhelm most of the time? Joy or longing, inspiration or fear, satisfaction or disappointment? It is difficult to be happy in a relationship if you live in a permanent state of anxiety and guilt. Now and then you doubt yourself, your decisions. Be honest with yourself, stop stifling feelings, convincing yourself that everything is fine. Intuition is not lost, deep down we always understand what everything is moving to, we anticipate the outcome of events. We just prefer not to notice anything, we hope to fix something, get used to the discomfort. But this does not happen! It cannot be born out of the minus plus.
2. Do you like a real person or who he can become?
Tell me honestly, does your chosen one fit your needs? Or have you found a “draft” that you are trying to correct for yourself? Here is a very fine line. It is impossible to completely remake a partner, change his character, worldview, habits. If you are initially dissatisfied with him and hope to replay everything, we have bad news for you: you love your illusions, but not a real person. He will not become more reliable or sporty in the future, he will not learn to keep his word, respect your personal space, manage finances more prudently. People change rarely and only by personal initiative. Either you take his cons and live with them, or not. To make a family man out of Casanova, you are unlikely to be a drunkard sober.
3. How do your life goals coincide?
Having different hobbies and views on life is a normal phenomenon for people who were brought up in different families, cultures, and traditions. On the other hand, these discrepancies should not concern fundamental things. Otherwise, you can never understand each other and negotiate trade-offs. What concessions can be between people with radically opposite values: an atheist and a religious fanatic, a family man and a careerist, a vegan and a meat-eater, a sexaholic and an asexual? If one of you is set up on a partnership, and the other is accustomed to a total hierarchy – nothing good will come of it. It is better to take into account such moments in advance so that later there will be no unpleasant surprises.
4. Has your quality of life improved next to each other?
Another illustrative marker on the future of relationships – has your life and inner sense of self-improved since you came together? Sometimes it happens that, individually, everyone was happy, developed, aspired to new goals. But it was necessary to converge – and everything flew to hell: constant quarrels, jealousy, shifting responsibility, suppressing each other’s desires, the destruction of self-esteem, moral and social degradation. She stops caring for herself, throws her favorite hobby, refuses her friends. He locks himself at home, leaves his beloved profession, starts drinking. It turns out that they not only do not support each other, but they kill every interest and desire to live! Relationships cause stagnation, disorientation, and feeling unwell. And this is eloquent proof that the partners do not match each other.
5. Is the man ready to meet, to work on relationships?
Relationship crises happen, we can not always hear a loved one, understand his state of mind. The question is, does the partner show interest in what is happening in your life? Is he also ready to participate in building bridges, to openly discuss acute topics? If all this time you are carrying cargo alone – you make concessions, take care, change, listen to his feelings and needs, but do not get feedback – what can we say? The process should be bilateral, the person next to you should also invest, want more. But if all attempts to attach him to this case end in failure, if he continues to ignore your feelings, make fun of desires, hurt you and not give any adequate reactions – this is an indicator that the relationship is doomed.
Should I continue the relationship? Think for yourself. Do you want to be close to a person who does not appreciate you, or is it time to break the chains that interfere with breathing? Sometimes you need to save not a relationship, but yourself.